Great Books Ep 67. Aeschylus - Choephoroe, Part 2. Repairing Ruptures: The Timeless Call for Connection
Great Books Ep 67. Aeschylus - Choephoroe, Part 2. Repairing Ruptures: The Timeless Call for Connection
If we live in a world where people take active steps in repairing ruptured connections, we'll be on a path of better tomorrows.
“Children are voices that shake off the lethe; Of drowsy Death; yea, floats, whereby the thread; And thin-wove line of Being is up-buoyed; Above the swallowing gulfs that yawn beneath.”
~ ‘Choephoroe’ by Aeschylus (G. M. Cookson translation. p80. line 505)
Brief Summary (Lines 396 - 1076/end):
Orestes, Electra, and the Chorus engage in a lengthy discussion about their loss, profound grief, anger towards Clytaemnestra, and the need to avenge Agamemnon’s murder. Orestes and Electra pray to the gods and plead with their dead father for support in their quest for revenge.
After they disperse, Orestes and Pylades go to the palace disguised as messengers from another country named Phocis. They demand an audience with the queen and the king, saying they have news only for their ears. Clytaemnestra takes them in and gives them guests’ honors. Orestes tells her that he came to deliver the news that her son Orestes is dead. She feels sad and asks Electra to take care of the guests.
Aegisthus hears the news and comes to seek an audience with the messenger to get more details. Orestes kills Aegisthus when he gets a private audience with him. After that, he goes to kill his mother, and she pleads for mercy and reminds him that she is his mother. Orestes is a bit conflicted, but his friend Pylades reminds him of his duty and the wrath of the gods (“Better the world thine enemy than Heaven!”) and he kills her. Justice is done, and Orestes has avenged his father’s ignoble death, but towards the end of the play, it totally becomes anti-climactic. Orestes is hounded by spirits of vengeance that haunt those who spill family blood. Others don’t see these spirits and he sees them and he rushes out.
“Women, they come about me—Gorgon shapes,
Sheeted in grey—clasped round with scaly folds
Of intertwisted snakes,—away! away!”
My Thoughts:
Electra says children are the voices that shake off the swallowing gulfs of death. It made me think that death is abundant in the universe, while life is rare. Children not only continue life for another generation but also make life better and create conditions to carry life further forward. Parenting and nurturing young life are among the most critical aspects of existence. So it is not important to just simply survive but also create environments to build potential to create a better future. In that way, everyone is a parent on earth, and it is everyone’s responsibility to reduce killing and improve the conditions of life on earth and beyond. I happened to watch a TED talk last week by Becky Kennedy called “The Single Most Important Parenting Strategy” (YouTube link), which said that ‘repair’ is the most crucial technique for mending a relationship. The talk was profound, and I listened to it a couple of times afterward. Many times, like this time, I was thankful for the algorithms that put surprisingly insightful and enriching content in my feed.
The gist of the talk is that life is complex and full of challenges and so ‘rupture’ (a moment of break in a relationship, say when a parent yells at a child or does something that causes grief) is inevitable. If you don’t take steps to ‘repair’ the rupture, the child might internalize it differently and blame themselves. Things can go out of hand when there are many such ruptures that are unaddressed. There is a quote that Becky mentioned which I liked a lot - “For kids, it is better to be a sinner in a world ruled by God than to live in a world ruled by the devil.” I think the quote, like the whole talk, applies not only for kids but also for adults. If we live in a world where we can trust the people who are in charge of the world around us, then we feel safe. We can take steps to heal a wound, correct a mistake and be on a path of better tomorrows.
The children here, Orestes and Electra, though they are adults now, have been traumatized by the brutal death of their father from childhood. Electra says not only was their father killed in a bad way but he was given an indecent burial. To add to that, she was also mistreated and isolated and says she was locked away in the castle like a pestilent dog.
“They would have none of me; humbled and chidden,
Like a pestilent hound, a cur unwhipped,
Closeted up in the castle-crypt;
There in the kennelled darkness hidden”
Clytaemnestra does not take a moment to explain to her daughter why she did what she did. She is consumed by her anger at Agamemnon for sacrificing their daughter Iphigenia for the sake of the army to go to war. She feels justice is on her side when she murders her husband, but since she never takes a moment to repair her relationships with her kids, they plot her death, and she gets killed in the end. Orestes and Electra never mention Iphigenia and may not even know the situation that led to their father killing their sister and why their mother harbored anger for so many years. Clytaemnestra is sad when she hears the news of Orestes’ death, and later, she pleads with Orestes when he is about to kill her, but it is too late to lament or feel sorry once the relationship is fully broken.
In her talk, Becky Kennedy specifically states that apology is not repair. Repair involves key elements like
Acknowledgment: Recognizing that a break in connection has occurred and communicating that.
Responsibility: Taking ownership for their role in the rupture, even if the child or the other person (in case it is not a parent-child relationship) also contributed to the situation.
Reconnection: Focusing on how to re-establish emotional closeness and security. This could involve empathy, physical touch, or simply spending quality time together.
In summary, repair teaches us an invaluable lesson - “Even when things go wrong, relationships can be mended.”
AI Chatbot Responses
Prompt: I’m currently reading Aeschylus’ play named ‘Choephoroe’. Here is a brief summary of lines 396 to the end, and my thoughts. Please provide an analysis, and expand it with further insights with examples and actionable steps for parents. Brief Summary (Lines 396 - 1076/end): <copy-paste>. My Thoughts: <copy-paste>. 1. ChatGPT
Your reflections on the final scenes of Aeschylus's "Choephoroe" intertwine beautifully with contemporary notions of parenting, particularly the importance of repair in relationships, as discussed by Becky Kennedy. Here’s an analysis that expands on your thoughts with further insights and actionable steps for parents:
Analyzing the Theme of Repair and Rupture in "Choephoroe"
In "Choephoroe," the lack of communication and understanding between Clytemnestra and her children, Orestes and Electra, serves as a powerful example of what happens when ruptures are not repaired. The tragic end of Clytemnestra and the psychological torment of Orestes illustrate the devastating effects of unresolved emotional wounds within a family.
Insights from the Play:
Communication Failure: Clytemnestra's failure to explain her actions and the reasons behind them to her children created a chasm filled with misunderstanding and resentment. This lack of communication is a critical rupture that was never repaired.
Legacy of Violence: The cycle of violence and revenge in "Choephoroe" underscores the need for breaking destructive patterns through understanding and reconciliation, rather than perpetuating them.
Actionable Steps for Parents
Drawing from your analysis and the principles discussed in the TED talk, here are actionable steps that parents can take to effectively manage ruptures and repair relationships:
Early Intervention: Address ruptures as soon as they occur. Do not wait for the situation to escalate or for emotions to fester. Prompt acknowledgment can prevent long-term damage to the relationship.
Empathetic Listening: Encourage open communication and practice active listening. Show genuine interest and concern for the child’s feelings and perspectives. This helps the child feel valued and understood.
Express Regret: If a rupture occurs due to parental actions or words, it is important for parents to express regret. This shows the child that everyone makes mistakes and that taking responsibility is a key part of repairing relationships.
Seek Mutual Solutions: Work with the child to find solutions or ways to move forward. This collaborative approach empowers the child and reinforces the concept that both parent and child are partners in maintaining a healthy relationship.
Reaffirm Love and Commitment: Reassure the child of your unconditional love and commitment. This can be verbal or through actions such as hugs, spending quality time together, or participating in activities that the child enjoys.
Model Repair Behavior: Demonstrate how to repair relationships in other contexts, such as with a spouse or friends. Modeling effective repair behaviors provides children with a blueprint for handling their own interpersonal conflicts.
Education on Emotional Intelligence: Teach children about emotions, how to express them healthily, and how to deal with emotional distress. Educating them about the importance of repair in relationships builds their capacity for empathy and resilience.
Broader Implications
Your thoughts touch on a universal truth that transcends the specific context of Greek tragedy: the fundamental human need for connection and understanding. By applying lessons from ancient texts to modern parenting strategies, we see how the timeless themes of conflict, communication, and reconciliation continue to resonate and offer valuable lessons for today's families.
In summary, the dynamics within "Choephoroe" not only serve as a cautionary tale about the consequences of unresolved emotional wounds but also highlight the critical need for repair in maintaining healthy family relationships. By incorporating these insights into everyday parenting practices, parents can foster a nurturing environment that supports mutual understanding and emotional growth.
2. Gemini
Your analysis of the final section of Choephoroe and the connections you've drawn to modern parenting ideas are astute. Let's dive deeper and expand with examples and actionable guidance for parents:
Analysis
Desolation and the Drive for Vengeance: Electra's comparison of herself and Orestes to orphaned eagles highlights their profound grief, vulnerability, and the all-consuming desire for revenge fueled by the loss of their father.
The Manipulation of Clytemnestra: Orestes' deception in entering the palace reveals a calculated strategy, mirroring Clytemnestra's own plotting. It raises questions about the extent to which even "justified" revenge can corrupt.
The Cycle of Violence Orestes' murder of his mother, despite her pleas, is a brutal culmination of the violence that has plagued this family.
The Inescapability of Guilt: The Furies embody Orestes' unavoidable guilt over matricide. Even though his act was guided by divine command, the psychological toll is immense.
Key Themes
Your thoughts highlight several crucial themes Aeschylus explores:
The Importance of Connection: The play demonstrates how the lack of communication and empathy leads to a tragic breakdown of relationships, fueling the cycle of violence.
Unresolved Trauma: Electra and Orestes carry unhealed wounds from their father's death and their subsequent treatment. These wounds become destructive forces.
The Price of Revenge: Even when deemed "necessary," revenge brings fleeting satisfaction followed by lasting consequences and guilt.
Insights and Actionable Steps for Parents
Here's how your thoughts and Dr. Becky Kennedy's concept of "repair" can help inform modern parenting:
Prioritize Connection:
Foster open communication and make your child feel heard.
Take time to connect with your child daily, even with small moments of genuine presence.
Address Ruptures Proactively:
When there's conflict, acknowledge your role and apologize sincerely. This doesn't erase your authority, but it helps maintain trust. ("I'm sorry I yelled. That wasn't the way to handle my frustration.")
Focus on re-establishing connection through empathy and understanding. Offer comfort, validate their feelings, and show you're on their side.
Build Emotional Resilience:
Teach children how to express their feelings healthily. Model emotional regulation and help them develop coping strategies.
Encourage open dialogue about difficult subjects, fostering trust and creating avenues for support.
Break the Cycle:
Consciously reject patterns of violence and harsh punishment. Model conflict resolution, forgiveness, and healthy boundaries.
If you carry unresolved trauma from your own childhood, seek support to address it. You can't pass on healing you don't possess yourself.
Important Reminders:
Perfection is unattainable: Ruptures are inevitable; it's how we repair them that matters.
Age-appropriate communication: Repair strategies need adjusting based on a child's age and developmental stage.
"Repair" isn't enabling bad behavior: Taking responsibility doesn't mean excusing disrespect or destructive choices. Boundaries are still necessary.
Beyond Parenting
The concepts of rupture and repair don't just apply to parents. They're crucial in all relationships: marriages, friendships, and workplaces. The principles of communication, empathy, trust, and understanding are universal for any healthy human connection.